Seventh Son – Should I Watch It?

Intro to… Seventh Son
John Snow walks into a bar. No, this is not the beginning of a terrible joke, just the beginning of a terrible movie. Anyway, he looks around until he finally sees the person he is looking for: drunk Gandalf. The bells are tolling and that can mean only one thing: witch-hunting.

This pretty much sums up the opening scene for Seventh Son. If you are still interested read on, but do not expect the movie to get any better.

The Plot
By drawing power from the Blood Moon, a celestial event that occurs once every 100 years, the evil witch queen Mother Malkin (Julianne Moore) escapes from her prison. Unbound and unshackled she plans to destroy mankind, but before she does this she wants to take revenge on John Gregory (Jeff Bridges), the man that locked her up.

Malkin lures John to her and a fight breaks out. John thinks he has the upper hand when he traps Malkin in a cage, but she turns out to be too powerful. Malkin breaks out of the cage, kills John’s apprentice, and flees the scene.

Traditionally a spook, a hunter of supernatural creatures, must be the seventh son of a seventh son. The search for a new apprentice brings John to Tom Ward (Ben Barnes), the youngest of a family of farmers. Normally it takes years to train a spook, but with the Blood Moon reaching its apex within a week and Malkin planning to use its power to unleash her dark magic over the entire county, they have no choice but to teach on the go and hope for the best.

Should I Watch It?
I could be really brief and just say no. This movie really has no redeeming qualities. Not even for the true fantasy lovers among us. The story is terrible, the acting is horrendous, and it just makes you feel like you wasted a lot of time.

If I really had to come up with something positive about this movie it is that the CGI can be impressive at times, and that the witches are diverse and have the ability to magically shape shift into dragons or other creatures.

Sometimes when you watch a movie adaptation of a book you can immediately tell, even if you have not read the book, that it works much better in its original format. This is obviously the case.

Seventh Son is a campy fantasy that suffers from bad directing, bad acting, and bad everything else. Do not even bother.

No, don’t watch it.

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